Friday, September 22, 2017

Recently, in a way, I became forced into thinking about seagulls tieing up parking spots in the parking lots of various Walmart locations, mostly ones near the coast.

Did you ever walk out of a Walmart and see a seagull standing there in the disabled parking space, smoking a cigarette and in shock as his car had been stolen?

What if I told you his car was never stolen. In fact, his car was towed. He was parked illegally you see. He didn't have one of those blue passes with the wheel chair guy on it so instead he hung a pack of blue Trident gum on the rear view mirror in hopes to pass it off as a legit pass. Imagine how hard it must be for a seagull to hang a gum packet off a rear view mirror; one of the old mostly paper ones, not the new slidy ones with the plastic slots encased with foil. What is more shocking, the seagull didn't own the car that was stolen. He had recently found the car left running at a window wash station at a near by Wilson's Gas Stop... Now imagine the gum he hung in the rear view wasn't his either. You see where this is headed.

You might assume this to be a rude seagull. I am not sure if he was rude or just unaware of the consequences of human interaction outside of begging for french fries and fish guts down at the wharf.

Ever see a seagull take down a Quarter Pounder with cheese in one nip? Salty fries? Melted chocolate shake? No you didn't....seagulls hate melted chocolate. It looks too much like baby poo. They are put off by it. Besides, most seagulls are lactose intolerant.

Imagine the life of a seagull. Flying in, making a lot of noise, shitting on everyone and leaving. I bet we all know a few seagulls, don't we?

Sunday, September 14, 2014

No prophets here.

Storm rips through, make it your own

This place has no promise, this place gives no home

A few nights together, many nights I do roam.

No prophets here, no profits here.

Tight as the ocean, bright as the sands

Deep and together, long may I stand.

Deadly and ready, this place gives no home

No profits here, no prophets here.

Monday, December 05, 2011

auto crust

Although it almost seems but obvious that a hand held pizza in any form, be it a pop, pocket or roll, is far superior baked than micro'd. The nuke is fast yes but falves lack. One thing that is un disputable is the fact of kraft dinner being best in potentch aged a day, gives it an auto crust, crusty kraft is the only way.

Friday, October 14, 2011

Monkey's uncle

To truly be a monkey's uncle your sister must first fuck a monkey and birth it's young. Being a monkey's uncle is a rarity destined for wax museums world wide.

Friday, July 29, 2011

Aberdeen to Lerwick, North Sea to Norway. Smoked slamons and lambs. coffee stains my teeth.

Wednesday, March 02, 2011

parody idea

I always thought a good parody would be fahKing haLear but I'm not a huge King Lear fan.

Saturday, December 04, 2010

new here we yo

And yes and now and why and no
Now you're gone and now I know
I don't often offer but now I'll say
I can't stay so yes I'll go.
Here I'm gone. out of the way,
this was no plan so let's try to stand.

Shakey knees and bendy feet,
Hanging on 8th street another black beat.
Done and down and in and gone,
no swan no song
no swan no song
No plan to go might as well be gone.